Your Birth, Your Way: Picking the Right Doula

Birth support isn’t one-size-fits-all.

Hiring a doula can be one of the most empowering decisions you make during your pregnancy, but it can also feel overwhelming. There are so many kinds of doulas out there—different styles, personalities, philosophies, and training backgrounds. So how do you know who’s right for you?

Here’s the good news: the right doula isn’t the one with the fanciest resume or the most followers online. The right doula is the one who helps you feel safe, seen, and supported. Someone who honors your story, your identity, and your instincts. Someone who makes you exhale.

Here are a few key things to consider as you search:

1. Do You Feel Comfortable With Them?

This might seem obvious, but it’s the most important question of all. A doula is someone who may witness you in some of your most vulnerable, powerful moments. That means the connection needs to feel right.

• Do you feel safe in their presence?

• Can you be honest with them—even about things that feel scary or uncertain?

• Do they listen without judgment or interrupting?

• Do they respond with compassion and clarity?

You don’t need to be best friends. But you should feel like you’re allowed to show up fully as yourself—whether that means strong opinions, big emotions, or lots of questions.

2. Do They Support the Kind of Birth You Want?

Your doula should be able to walk with you on your path, not try to steer you toward theirs.

Whether you’re planning:

• A medicated hospital birth

• An unmedicated home birth

• A cesarean

• A birth center delivery

• Or you’re not even sure yet…

…your doula should offer evidence-based support without bias. Ask how they approach different birth scenarios. Make sure their answers sound like support, not pressure.

Bonus tip: If you’re queer, trans, neurodivergent, or navigating trauma, find a doula who affirms and understands those layers. Your identity matters in birth—and your support should reflect that.

3. What Kind of Support Do They Offer—And When?

Not all doulas provide the same kind of care. Some only support birth. Others (like us at Dahlia Nest Birthing Co.) offer full-spectrum care including prenatal prep, postpartum healing, and body literacy support.

Questions to ask:

• How many prenatal visits do you offer?

• Do you help write birth plans?

• Will you be available by text or email during pregnancy?

• How long do you stay after the birth?

• Do you check in postpartum?

Make sure their level of support fits your needs—and your nervous system.

4. What Do Their Values Sound Like?

Birth is more than a physical event. It’s emotional, social, political, spiritual—even ancestral. The doula you hire doesn’t have to share all your beliefs, but they should be able to honor them.

Look at their website or Instagram. Notice their language. Do they center:

• Consent?

• Trauma-informed care?

• LGBTQIA+ affirming practices?

• Anti-racism?

• Neurodiversity?

If these things matter to you (and they should), your doula’s values should reflect them in action—not just in hashtags.

5. What Does Your Gut Say?

At the end of the day, this is about trust. It’s not just about checking boxes—it’s about checking in with you.

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel more grounded after talking to this person?

• Do I feel respected and cared for?

• Do I want this person in my birth space?

Your intuition deserves to lead here. It’s wise. It’s already working on behalf of your growing family.